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“You Said Everything Would Be OK.”

| Paul Greer

I wrote this story and submitted it to STS:

She walked back to the station, the replays going through her head, feeling light, transcendental, avoiding morose.

Was there much to say? The weekend had run away with itself somewhat, the laughing, the vanity and the music. She could see people getting hurt, wrapped up in their own immaculate expectations, the internal maths not being fulfilled.

HJ had stormed off alone into the night, she had seen the rage crashing into his eyes like a tidal surge, where there has previously been quiet joy.  He knew he was out of step, his feelings were not compatible with the time they were having, but he had no choice, something had turned away from him and he was obliged to react.

“You said…”, he said.

They kept tabs on him by text message, just to make sure he was safe.

She has suspected he might go that way when they hooked up, but had buried the suspicion, because it was such a good moment.  Now the weight of a responsibility for another person’s emotion was pressing down on her.  She bought some coffee, lit a cigarette and shook it loose.

The train would be here soon and she wasn’t interested spending the last few minutes in this town feeling bad for a possessive motherfucker.

She conjured up that beautiful dawn that came after. Standing with Sally as the orange and the red took hold of the city, skin prickling as they held each other in the morning light, whiskey warming their blood. The love they felt in that moment expanding into time.

The cigarette smoke swirled around the cardboard cup, patterns in front of her eyes.

She would leave now and return to the working life, this fantastical world an echo behind the routine.  She felt blessed to have been part of that it, and thought about how often she would remember.

Stubbed out the cigarette.

Caught the train.

 

Guest-Directed Self-Portrait #01

Image | | Paul Greer

This is my attempt at following Molly Peck’s directions for a self portrait:

“(written for a right-handed person; if you are left-handed, please mirror the directions; if you have limited dexterity or mobility, a tripod or camera placed on windowsill will work as well) Use a camera (or lens) that will allow you to focus fairly close (arm’s-length) If you choose to wear a garment, choose something that says as little as possible about time and place and identity. Locate a window that provides enough sunlight to act as your only light source (if you have several to choose from, try them all to see which light you like best. Extra points if your window is near a corner so that a second wall will be at your back if the window is on your right) Raise the blinds, open the curtains…let in the sunlight. Stand with your right side almost touching the window sill. Step back the length of your foot, then sit on the floor. (If there are objects behind you that can be easily moved, move them out of the frame) Place your right elbow on the window sill, holding your camera aimed at your face from slightly above and to the right (it may be easier to let the back of your hand touch the window glass). Think posture thoughts (a balloon attached to the top of your head?) to elongate your neck even if you are in a slouching or crouched position. If you (like me) easily get a double-chin in pictures (only if you don’t like it!), think about invisibly smoothing your double-chin-prone area forward into space. Try not to say anything specific with your mouth. Place the pad of your left middle or index finger, if they are available to you, into the hollow above your collarbone. Convey longing in all of your fingers. Look down with your eyes (or close your eyes), and think about crushing disappointment (either feeling it, or causing it). Inhale. Exhale. Relax your shoulders. Just as you are about to press the shutter, look directly up into the center of the lens (as if you are actually looking into eyes that matter very much to you) while remembering our capacity for forgiveness. Press the Shutter. That’s it. The tumblr tag feature doesn’t work very well, so please let me know via ask if you post one so that I can share it. Feel free to tag it GuestDirectedSelf also (it couldn’t hurt, right?). Everyone who participates in this self-portrait will have a turn to direct a self-portrait for everyone else (I’ll figure out the logistics of that shortly– maybe guest-director order will be dictated by order in which first-participation-shots are received?)”

You can read more about the project here and see the other submissions for this prompt here.