mollybroxton asked:Your comment on the post “math”: I appreciate it so much (as I’m sure you know, we never believe these things to be true about ourselves, believe that anyone is thinking this about us, we long to hear them spoken: “you are good”. I shall say it to you, now: “You are so good.”)! I have been getting a fair amount of positive feedback on photographs lately, which makes me nervous for myself– I already “abuse” photography when I am avoiding other output that takes more out of me, that requres more set-up, patience, affection, interest… I am really easily sucked in by the time-vacuum of social networking, and I promised myself that I would only use tumblr if it helped me create more work and share more output. So far (while it does, indeed, distract me for many more hours than I will readily confess), overall, I feel confident that I can say tumblr is still on the side of “I am inspired by this environment to actually produce and share more things than I would otherwis/ than I was previously”, but, ohhhh, it’s close to breaking even or slipping into too much looking and not enough making. I already feel (and have always felt) that (only for me, I do not feel and would never imply this about others) photography is a cop-out for me, a procrastination device, a lazy way to tell myself “it wasnt a total waste! See! I made something!” when I am avoiding more demanding work. When I get positive feedback on photographs, I feel a terrible mix of joy (of course I’m delighted! I want the vast “you” to like “it”), and shame (I wasn’t trying to deceive you; oh, wait… I was, in fact, trying to deceive you). And of course, the more photographs I make, the more I like them, and the more I start to believe that they are “legitimate”, or that it is legitimately time well spent (I’m exaggerating this, though. I have always enjoyed taking and fooling with photographs, and of course I don’t think that time spent doing something I enjoy is ever wasted. I think it is the passing that output off as art, to others or to myself, that scares me). I also worry that when I get such a quick high from feedback on something that requires so (relatively) little time, that I am kidding myself. But again, I have started to really care about some of the final images– they do make me feel something true, and this, too, makes me nervous. What I’m really saying to you is Thank You. And to myself, I am saying: “You promised yourself you would paint yesterday, and you did not. Stop whining about it and get your ass in gear, dear.”
I can relate to what you say, I tumble too much for my own good, and as my free time is scarce this has a huge impact on any personal animation I might be getting on with.
The photography you make, although not your main squeeze media wise, still exhibits the intelligences you have explored and developed in your painting. Colour theory, composition, story telling, these are all fully evident, although they may lack the attention you lavish on the painting. What I am saying is as a procrastination device, it’s a f***ing good one.
Animation is a similarly convoluted process and there can be so many aspects to it, it can be difficult to know where to begin.
Tumblr can be a huge distraction, but when I first started using it, it was after 3 years of looking after twin babies so I felt my artistic mojo had been erased, and being here and building this scrapbook helped restore that.
I’m not as productive as I would like to be, so many things get in the way, and the mechanisms complex, but seeing your pictures everyday is a huge inspiration and motivation to get my arse in gear.
(cross posted from Tumblr)